Can you believe it’s Friday the flippin’ 13th!? Well, to pay homage to this blessed day of any given month, we thought we’d think of some favorite tropes in horror movies that we always expect, and we’re rarely let down when we find them out. Let’s get into it!
1. The House is ALWAYS bad!
Whether it be Amityville, the cursed house from Poltergeist, the House on Haunted Hill (or pretty much a thousand other horror houses) — something is always going wrong there. Perhaps they built it on a graveyard of Native American bones, which is the least legit thing I can imagine. Perhaps they had some kooky cult basement and now the walls are filled with demon babies. Heck, it could be simple as the past tenant went pork chops and applesauce all over the place and now his ghost is geeking out while you’re trying to take a Calgon moment in the bathtub. Whatever it is, that house ain’t cool.
2. People Be Trippin’
Something happens to people when they’re terrified in these movies, you know? Perhaps it’s adrenaline, a wild panic attack from their circumstances or it’s entirely possible they’re oopsie-daisy-butterfingers most of the time and the terror amplifies it. Whatever it is, the amount of stumbles, crawls and chaos that happen when a character should just simply be running away and watching their footing is pure entertainment. Watch that step! Nope, we’re falling down the stairs. Oh no, but what about those tree roots coming out of the ground? Nope, flat on the face. Come on, folks — spatial awareness is a thing!
3. Running AROUND the House but not AWAY
Unless you’re incredibly concerned that you’re going to leave the iron on, I can’t really fathom why you wouldn’t just run three blocks down the street when someone is stalking you in your house. I mean, look at how long it took that girl to finally get out into the street and run away from a chainsaw wielding nutter-butter! How often have you watched a horror movie and you watch them, not only stay within the vicinity of the house, but sometimes even go back in? There is no way the majority of horror fans haven’t thrown their popcorn up and went “NO! WHY!? STOP THAT! JUST LEAVE!” at least once in their lives.
4. Random Late-Game Vendetta
That creepy stalker guy? You honked your horn at him and now he’s following you. Didn’t know that until the movie was nearly over? Yeah, us either. Sometimes we just figure they throw in a twist at the end to make people go “OH, THAT IS WHY?” or to make us go “OH GOOD. That guy’s a real nozzle!” when we need some understanding of why the people in the film are being terrorized. Often enough, it’s never a great reason. I mean, at least Pamela Voorhees was just angry that these kids were too busy boinkin’ to watch her kid and he died in a lake. That at least makes sense! But sometimes it’s purely as simple as “You asked me for directions and now I’ve got to turn your skull into a candy dish.” which is always so disappointing.
5. That Crazy family full of CRAZIES!
Generally, I don’t like to use the term ‘crazy’ because so many people use it wrong, I believe. However, in this case? It’s real. It’s real, you guys. Crazy in the bad way is what these folks be like! Who even knows what happened in their bloodlines but families like in The House of 1000 Corpses and Texas Chainsaw Massacre are utterly terrifying. Nobody tells you why they’re quite so borked in the noggin that they want to eat people and wear their skin, but does anyone really want to hang out and ask questions?